Asparagus Soup and thoughts on heresy

My dad made this delicious asparagus soup and served it to me. The meal was good timing since I’ve been struggling recently with the effort of eating according to the needs of my body. I've healed from disease in ways that astound me, but sometimes... I’m just tired.

To be served and loved with thoughtfulness and consideration of my needs was a gentle lift through the rest of my week. And of course, it got me remembering.

Dwelling on the past isn’t always fruitful, but it can help to look back with gratitude and see how God has worked. I remember how sick I was. I don't want to go back to that. I remember how much work (and surrender) it took to rise up.

I sometimes lose courage and am tempted to abandon the effort. Then I return to the heart of the Father in prayer and ask Him to lead me through…

I only have one body, Lord. And it is from You for You. Give me the passion for Your call so that what I currently see as burden will become only joy.

St. Thomas wrote: ‘Grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it.’ The body itself is not an obstacle to happiness but the chosen vehicle for God’s plan of eternal joy. I know that now...

But when I was young, I hated my body and was drawn in by the Manichean error that our bodies are wicked; that the spiritual world was light and good and the physical world was dark and evil. I hated my body and couldn’t wait to be ‘free’ of it forever.... and those thoughts led me to an even deeper involvement in occult spirituality.

That story is complex, but what ultimately saved my life was seeing the gift of my body through God's eyes and the life-giving teachings of the Catholic faith. As I sat with Scripture this morning, I marveled at how God works for us through others...

Thanks for the soup, Lord. I remember. You knew I would.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Cor. 19

Divorcing Pharma

My latest at Crisis Magazine…⁣⁣
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“It is a fact that without Christ at the heart of the healthcare industry, every manner of atrocity is not only possible, but probable. Modern medicine can, of course, be a great good when rightly ordered. But a dependency on an industry that no longer serves the Lord can only lead to diminishing health.”⁣⁣
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Stop Pharming Out Your Health
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I expect that my strong wording at various places in this piece will draw some criticism. What a privilege it is to have the freedom to vigorously engage in such discussions!⁣⁣
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I’m grateful to Crisis for the opportunity and for their ongoing efforts to keep discussion alive about the most important things. From their website…⁣⁣
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“Every generation has its moment of crisis—the moment when it must decide. And each generation is tasked with articulating these timeless truths of the Faith to guide its decisions.”

Gluten Free Christmas Pizzelles

Lucy made pizzelles for the feast day yesterday. They worked beautifully with Bob’s Red Mill 1 to 1 gluten free flour. I’m so grateful for the development of celiac-friendly products over the last ten years. It’s splurge food, not health food… but it sure does help make life a little gentler for people for whom so much beautiful food is off limits.⁣ Recipe we used HERE.
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Many people mistakenly think that celiac disease is an allergy or a sensitivity. It’s actually an autoimmune condition—a chronic inflammatory disease—in which the body’s immune system attacks the small intestines. The trigger is gluten.⁣ This can result in unpleasant physical symptoms but also causes the body to be starved of nutrients since the villi responsible for nutrient absorption are damaged and can’t do their job.⁣
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I’ve seen and experienced the impact the disease can have. Very difficult. And healing is not really as simple as “don’t eat bread.” Gluten is everywhere.⁣ It’s hard to imagine how difficult it truly is to avoid until you have had to do it. It’s really in almost everything. Even “gluten-free” products are frequently contaminated. Yes, molecules matter.⁣..
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Every restaurant. Every party dish. Everything on the shelves. It’s in many spices and ingredients and places you’d never think of.⁣
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Celiac disease used to be considered a wasting disease partially because it caused people to become thin and frail. Modern celiacs are often different (increasingly obese) since the body’s effort to increase nutrition can lead to strong cravings.⁣ But getting lots of calories doesn’t mean that you aren’t nutrient-starved.⁣
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Replacing gluten with gluten-free products is not a cure for disease. It’s not necessarily nutritious. In fact, it can contribute to weight gain and mask malnourishment. But…⁣
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It can contribute to an improved quality of life. I’m grateful for options for my kids, especially during times of celebration. The cookies were delicious and we were all able to eat them. Thanks be to God. ❤️⁣
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Final thought… celiac isn’t the only reaction to gluten that is cause for serious concern. What is called “sensitivity” is often an autoimmune response manifesting in other areas of the body.

Don't touch your baby...

She was born in a Catholic hospital before the nuns left. And her story testifies to why it mattered…⁣
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Born weeks early, she ran into trouble. “Code blue” was the last thing I heard before they all rushed out of the room with her.⁣ Every NICU mama knows what the next days looked like. The lights and plastic boxes with babies, charts, and alarms.⁣..
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Once, I touched her back lightly. Her O2 sat dropped, the alarms went off, and I got a harsh lecture from the doctor after they stabilized her…⁣
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“Don’t touch your baby.”⁣
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So I just watched. Every day. And since I couldn’t sleep, I watched her at night as well, rocking in the chair, wishing I could see her face uncovered from tape and tubes.⁣
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About a week into our stay, I was keeping vigil at 3am. Two nurses were at the desk that night though it was usually just one at that hour. I’d never seen them before. We were the only ones there.⁣ They approached me together and said they didn’t usually work there but took every opportunity. “We are Christians and this hospital is a blessed place. We love to be here.”⁣
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They asked if they could pray over my daughter and I said yes. I watched as they put two sets of hands into the isolette and laid them on her back…⁣
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The child who wouldn’t be touched didn’t flinch.⁣
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They praised and glorified God and they prophesied. They spoke of healing and mission. And when they were done, they turned to me…⁣
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“She’s going to be okay.” They explained…⁣
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“God protects this hospital. The sisters will not provide contraception or abortion benefits to staff… and He blesses that.”⁣
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I never saw them again. And the hospital has since passed into secular hands. But this beautiful girl continues to grow in grace. I wish those nurses could see her now.⁣
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Dear Birthday Girl…⁣
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“Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit, do not despise prophesying…hold fast what is good, abstain from every form of evil.⁣
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May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” - 1 Thess. 5

I changed clean makeup companies. Leaving woke activism.

Welcome to the contents of my purse! I'm only showing you the good and beautiful. Good makeup, essential oils, rosary bracelet, head scarf, and my favorite sunglasses...

The half-eaten suckers, Batman without an arm, 24 crumpled receipts, and crushed vitamin are not shown. I also want to take this opportunity to let you know that...

I found a new clean makeup company!

Some of you might remember the energetic discussion we had on Instagram months ago about finding alternatives to woke activist clean product companies. I was actively looking at the time and finally found an alternative to what I had been using and recommending.

This post is going to be a bit too vague for some tastes but I do have a reason. And I do have more info on my website.

I'm not out to undermine the businesses of friends. This is about my conscience, not theirs. Because of my writing on natural healing, I am asked for recommendations for reliable companies. So this is me... changing my recommendation from BeautyCounter to Crunchi.

Clean products are not just a preference for me but a necessity. My body cannot tolerate the toxic formulas used by most companies. And now...

My conscience can rest a little easier as well.

In a world where compromise with evil seems impossible to avoid, it is something to be able to make a positive move now and again... to bring choices into better alignment with belief if possible.

• Makeup is by Crunchi

• Oils by doTERRA (a very happy non-woke 6 years in business with them.)

• Rosary bracelet by @chewslifeshop

No Fear.

Some people tell me that the severity of my illness scared them. Fear has no place in this battle and so I want to speak to my circumstances specifically. If you don't like medical details, maybe pass! But I wrote a book about health and I'm public about not taking the v, so I feel like I owe more info.⁣

No fear. I want you to be prepared but NOT afraid. So listen...⁣

We can live a healthy life but we can't control everything. We get sick. We will die. So we have to start there. Memento Mori.⁣ After that... I eat well, stay active, don't drink, smoke, or vape, and I live clean. Those things won’t keep me alive forever, though I do believe they ultimately helped my body through this...⁣

But why did I get so sick?⁣ There's not always an answer. Viruses are gonna virus. But I can share this...⁣

One of the symptoms of my chronic illness is called the "MS Hug." AKA banding, girdling, or intercostal muscle spasticity caused by spinal lesions.⁣

It presents differently for people. Mine can feel like labor pains, restrict breathing, eating, and drinking, cause fever, air hunger, cramping, nausea. It can be absent for months or occur daily. It was a battle I'd been fighting for weeks leading up to the virus.⁣

When it was clear that we had C, I started on protocols immediately but I simply could not properly hydrate or nourish my body due to pre-existing difficulties.

That is not a complete explanation but it was absolutely a contributing factor. I needed intervention. My flesh is weak. But...⁣ I'm recovering well. And I will say again what I said even on the first day of misery:⁣⁣

There is no room for fear. Even if we die, let us die in His peace.⁣

In place of fear, we must have unshakable trust in the goodness of God and a commitment to honor the gift of our bodies with respectful and prudent care. Not because we fear a virus, but because we love Him.⁣

Do what we can and do it with vigor.⁣

Let God transform our fears to holy surrender, to prepare, to be warriors of grace. The real danger of this virus is the stripping of holy confidence from God’s beloved people. So let us work and pray and praise...⁣

“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” ~ Eph 5:14

For love of the poor...

I had the privilege yesterday of spending time with the founders of Urban Encounter Ministries and I walked away changed.⁣⁣⁣
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Jesus calling again. Metanoia.⁣⁣⁣
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It wasn’t a profound emotional moment like one might experience on a retreat or in sacrament…⁣⁣⁣
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But an encounter with Christians who speak belief and then live it with fervor. I thought often of Ephesians 5 and the simple powerful model of Church. I thought of the purity childhood and of the aching of adult conversion.⁣⁣⁣
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I grew up in the city until I was in middle school; outside the full comforts of suburbia but still happy. I didn’t know what I didn’t have. I never felt deprived of anything material (except an intact family). I knew there were rich and poor people… yet I never felt poor.⁣⁣⁣
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My eyes weren’t trained that way and I was loved and cared for. I didn’t know what burdens the adults carried.⁣⁣
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Years later, we had moved out of the city into more comfortable suburbia, but I was in abject spiritual poverty and depression… until someone broke though with the light of Christ.⁣⁣⁣
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As I sat in the company of Christ’s servants yesterday, I was reminded of early youth; living a measure of shabbiness, but with childlike vision only for what is delightful and permanent. The memory was a respite.⁣⁣⁣
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As Christians, we are compelled to step into the physical and spiritual poverty of others with the delight and Presence of Jesus Christ. Not to fix everything but to encounter precious souls and share His love…⁣⁣⁣
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I am here.⁣⁣⁣
I want to know your name.⁣⁣⁣
I can only offer you this small comfort.⁣⁣⁣
But I come with Jesus and He can give you everything.⁣⁣⁣
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In a culture where the idol of social justice leads many away from Truth, this ministry starts with Christ as its source and summit and invites Him in…⁣⁣⁣
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To the street.⁣
To those who haven’t heard their own name spoken to them in months…⁣
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Where He changes everything.⁣⁣⁣
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Lord, grant me the eyes of childhood that never fades. So that I may not shrink from bringing Your light into the world, wherever I am called to love.⁣⁣⁣
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Please contact me if you want to support a street missionary (my daughter) with any size gift. ❤️

Healing is about surrender.

Jesus asked the paralytic at the pool: “Do you want to be well?” (Jn 5:1-18⁣)
Simple question to which most of us answer YES.

Yet we often misunderstand...⁣
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We want to be well while eating poorly.⁣
To be strong without effort.⁣
To be changed without changing.⁣
To watch toxic media.⁣
To listen to sinful music.⁣
To eat what tastes good.⁣
Do what feels good.⁣
Let our imaginations become corrupted.⁣
Grow sedentary.⁣
Remain ungrateful…⁣
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And we shake our fist at God and wonder why we are sick.⁣
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I wrote a book about natural healing with one basic message:⁣
The greatest potential for healing comes when we surrender our behaviors to God’s design.⁣
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We break ourselves under the weight of a lifetime of unrestricted corn syrup, pornified media, toxic chemicals, and unsanctified relationships, and are shocked that we are sick. Eventually, we are forced to turn to pharma to rescue us.⁣
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How ironic that this industry (which now dominates our “health” care) uses the dissected bodies of children to make medicine. It is the anti-Gospel. An open mockery of God and His design.⁣
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My disease isn’t all my fault. But it partially is. If I would have surrendered my behaviors to the Lord decades ago, many things would be different. My healing only began after I turned away from pharma as savior, turned to Christ, and took responsibility: “Do you want to be well?”⁣
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He wasn’t offering a magic pill; He was asking for complete SURRENDER.⁣
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Healing began when I accepted the inevitability of death, the consequences of sin and my own behaviors, and the responsibility for treating my body with the dignity with which it was created.⁣
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My approach has never been about buying the latest and greatest fad. It is simply radical surrender. I exist because the life of Christ lives within me…⁣
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And I will always experience healing (in His way and time) when I glorify Him through my choices:⁣
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Wholesome food.⁣
Movement.⁣
Sanctify leisure.⁣
Discipline appetites.⁣
Reduce toxic exposure.⁣
Virtue.⁣
Silence.⁣
Prayer.⁣
Reject the secular path of health. That pool is not the way of Christ.⁣
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"Rise, take up your pallet... and walk...Sin no more."⁣

Because I can...

It’s been a long time since my family has played ball together. Quarantine stole a season and then some. Very grateful to be able to take this selfie.⁣
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I’m stronger than I was last time I tentatively stepped out onto the court. In spite of a recent flare. In spite of residual fatigue.⁣
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“I’m still getting younger!” I said to my kid. And he was (wisely) silent because I’m clearly aging.⁣
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But I ran across the gym and it didn’t hurt. And I thought (not for the first or last time) that I’m glad that I’ve been free to manage my own health care. And to make choices along the way to step into or stay out of the system.⁣
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There’s a massive new building being constructed at a city hospital right now. We pass it every week and I’m amazed that we have enough people and needs to fill it.⁣
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What is health care? Is it different than sick care? Are we better off now than when the buildings were smaller and the resources scarcer?⁣
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The statistics say no. Cancer rates are still high. Overall lifespan is decreasing. Autoimmune disease has reached epidemic proportions. Heart disease, diabetes... it just goes on and on.⁣
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This is not a doom and gloom post. Just a “what the heck are we doing?” post. And a “Thank you, Jesus!” post.⁣ I will certainly die of something sooner or later. But I owe my life to God...⁣
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And every action I take toward honoring His design for my body is a gift given back to Him. I do not worship the body but I care for it reasonably. So that I may serve according to His will.⁣
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After we left the gym I was exhausted and sore. Where are you endorphins?! Taking a hiatus this week and it’s fine. But the gratitude I feel is tremendous and I am eager to go back.⁣
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Because I can. And I know what it’s like to say “I can’t.”⁣
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I don’t want to spend my life counting diagnosis. I want to spend it living. And while visits to shiny medical offices may sometime be necessary, the vast majority of healing happens at home. In the gym. In the woods. In the kitchen. On the couch. On the track. In church. In prayer. With my family.⁣
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I’m so darn tired this week. Flares are a drag. Starting again. Always. And always reorienting back to gratitude. Deo Gratias ❤️

Your daughter might need this...

The following is an excerpt from a larger article found HERE. I write a lot of stuff. Some is more important than others... more urgent. This is one of the most important I’ve written because if someone is open to the words, it could help save a life or a soul:⁣
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“DEAR MOMS OF GIRLS...⁣
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We've been around the block a few times. We know things that our girls don't know. But our girls haven't lived in our shoes, haven't learned our lessons, and haven't undergone our conversions....⁣
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We cannot assume that they are equipped to weather the storms we are accustomed to withstanding.⁣
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We cannot assume that when they nod their heads in agreement with our maternal rants that they actually have a deep enough grasp of the truth or an unwavering relationship with Jesus Christ.⁣
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We can’t assume that their attachment to us is stronger than their attachment to someone else.⁣
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We have to be willing to go to the mat for them; to make ourselves a righteous nuisance about technology, defensive protocols, and constant instruction in the art of navigating the human condition.⁣
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I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Some of you think your girl is okay... and she's not.⁣
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God didn't allow me to wade through the sewage in my own life only to stay silent and watch other hearts, minds, and bodies assaulted by wickedness. Here is your warning and I give it with all the sisterly and motherly love in my feminine heart:⁣
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Evil hardly ever comes looking like a monster... but usually appearing like the deepest desires of our heart. We have to be prepared.⁣
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Evil slips through the cracks through our weaknesses and our pride. It finds our sorrows and our loneliness. It listens to our doubts and becomes the consolation and affirmation that we deeply desire.⁣”
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Dear Moms of boys...⁣
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This is for you, too. Let’s raise them right, interfere with them when they stray, oppose predatory behaviors in them, and...⁣
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Learn to recognize the patterns of abuse against them as well.⁣
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Break the silence. Restore the culture. Protect each other.⁣

Read the full article HERE. I recommend reading it with your daughter and sons and discussing together.

Free SoulCore download...

ANNOUNCEMENT! Every person who registers for the Rise Up & Run virtual 5k will receive a FREE SoulCore digital download from the SoulCore shop. ($14.95 value)⁣
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This applies to any level registration and will be available to download through July 31st.⁣
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I am so grateful to the @soulcoreproject for this gift! And for those in the apostolate who are running and praying with us. (Let’s do this @deannemiller_ !)⁣
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If you have already registered, you will receive this information soon. And if you haven’t registered yet...⁣
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What are you waiting for? 😉⁣
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☀️You don’t have to run, you can walk.⁣
☀️You don’t have to walk, you can roll.⁣
☀️Your prayers will be taken up by those of us who are participating.⁣
☀️Your effort is a testimony, an act of praise, and a gift of prayer for others in your life.⁣
☀️Profits will help support abuse victims in the Church.⁣
☀️Make it a community or family event, grab a friend, or just enter silently into your effort.⁣
☀️T-shirts, medals, stickers, spiritual bouquets available

Healthy masking? Molds, allergens, common sense.

Let’s talk masks, allergies, and mold today. I’m going to put on my aromatherapist cap for a minute—but mostly just my common sense cap—to discuss some rotten health practices... and some good ones.⁣⁣
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First of all, solidarity with all allergy sufferers! Spring is rough. Especially when coughing in public is super awkward. (Please forgive me, fellow Mass-attendees… I promise it’s not the vid.)⁣⁣
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Now...⁣⁣
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There’s a time for extra caution. But it’s always time for looking closely at what is biologically beneficial for the body. There’s NEVER a time for propaganda-driven-one-size-fits-all-government-enforced health care… but I won’t go there today (much).⁣
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Let’s talk about personal health and masks. A lot of us are sick. A lot of us have allergies and disease. A lot of us have chronic fatigue and pain. A few points of consideration:⁣⁣
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•Masks trap allergens.⁣⁣
•Masks trap bacteria and mold.⁣⁣
•Within minutes, your mask will produce positive cultures for fungus and bacteria.⁣⁣
•Masks force you to aspirate waste that you exhale and anything that is trapped in your mask.⁣⁣
•People with chronic sinus/allergic issues often have mold trapped in their sinuses.⁣⁣
•People with emphysema are often medically mismanaged because their lung condition is actually fungal in nature.⁣⁣
•As a victim of severe mold poisoning and Lyme who has experienced a serious fungal lung infection... I don’t mask.⁣⁣
•As someone with chronic lung inflammation from autoimmune disease, I don’t mask.⁣⁣
•As an aromatherapist, I regularly diffuse anti-inflammatory and anti-fungal oils while I sleep to keep my airway passages healthy and support damaged tissue.⁣⁣
•I consider breathing fresh air an essential part of basic health.⁣⁣
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I’m not telling you not to mask. I’m giving a picture of whole health. In a culture with a far greater epidemic of chronic disease than ‘rona, we’ve got to be smarter than we have been.⁣⁣
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Also, I’m sharing my favorite respiratory diffuser blends below. Because plants are beautiful and God created them for our happiness and health.

Note: Instagram added a flag to this post there. It reads “Missing Context. Independent fact-checkers say information in this post could mislead people.” Further confirmation of my decision to back up content here. Because Instagram thinks you are an idiot and can’t think for yourself. I do not think that. You are free to accept or reject my content here. We are free together.

Interested in any of the oils and blends above? Find my preferred brand HERE.

Parenting adults: A shifting

Becoming a SoulCore leader...

One of the great gifts of 2020 was becoming a SoulCore leader. And it was an absolute joy to lead a group of women on the Arise Retreat in person last week after loss of flesh and blood community for so long.⁣⁣
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SoulCore integrates the rosary with core strengthening, stretching and functional movements; to nourish body & soul and encourage deeper reflection on the Mysteries and virtues of the rosary.⁣⁣
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It incorporates scripture, sacred art, music, candlelight, and movement. A gentle path to grow in virtue and cultivate interior peace. ⁣⁣
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Every movement is an invitation. As I told the women on retreat, it is okay to modify the movements or just rest in the presence of the Lord.⁣
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But it does feel so good to push the muscles! To feel them shaking and know that the body is being moved to be more and do more in service to love.⁣⁣
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I was nervous about leading SoulCore on retreat because I had never led such a large diverse group. But in that context, I rediscovered the reason I love this apostolate…⁣⁣
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Gathering together with beautiful, loving sisters who are willing to be a little imperfect while we lay down our lives in surrender to Jesus and His Blessed Mother.⁣⁣
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My nerves left completely. We laid down our intentions. I only forgot one Hail Mary. And I felt again the healing consolation of community, contemplation on the mysteries of Christ’s life, physical movement, rest, silence, and the love of our perfect Mother.⁣⁣
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At Arise, we used a very special rosary centerpiece for SoulCore from @freshrosary. Simply stunning. Every bead was a fresh red rose. Julia created and packaged it with such love. And from across the country, she prayed with us.⁣⁣
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After SoulCore, the rosary was presented to Mary at the front of the chapel where it remained throughout the retreat. Many took a petal to press in their Bibles to remember a grace-filled weekend and the love of God.⁣⁣
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Please go follow @freshrosary! I can’t say enough about her rosaries, her customer service, and her beautiful soul! And she’s given me a 15% discount code just for you: ARISE⁣⁣
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If you are local, reach out for my @soulcoreproject locations. Zoom coming also.⁣⁣

He said I would never run again

Dear Doctor... I was so relieved when you said “your running days are over.”⁣⁣⁣
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It gave me some closure as I grieved my increasing disability. It relieved me of the feeling that it was my fault for not trying hard enough.⁣⁣⁣
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I was trying so so hard. And just kept declining. Your words set me free for a little while. Helped me to accept the loss.⁣⁣⁣
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But you forgot to finish your sentence. You should have said:⁣⁣
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“Your running days are over... FOR NOW.”⁣⁣⁣
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But you didn’t know. You couldn’t have. And I am grateful for the care you gave me. Neither of us could have anticipated that, 10 years after I left your office with a walking boot and ankle brace to help manage my pain...⁣⁣⁣
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That I would run again.⁣⁣⁣
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Never mind the goofy compression socks. I’d wear a chicken suit to run if it meant that I could stay healthy and strong. Because I know...⁣⁣⁣
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There will come a day in all our lives when we cannot run, cannot walk, cannot crawl.⁣⁣ But today is not that day for me. Not yet.⁣⁣⁣ I will continue to move and stretch and push back. I will strive and rise. And I invite you all to join me from wherever you are...⁣⁣⁣
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Because many of you have asked for another Rise Up & Run Virtual 5k... and it’s almost time to open registrations!⁣⁣⁣
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Crawl, walk, run, shimmy, scoot, or roll. Come as you are. And watch for the announcement.

I sat at her feet and she prayed...

Parenting young adults has stretched me. I didn't know I could stretch so far without breaking. I didn't know... and it was better not to know beforehand. But here I am.

I have 3 adult kids and 5 more behind. I tremble at times at the future. I've been surprised by what love requires. I've been brought low by the dismantling of expectations, the obliteration of certain ideals, and the realization that I have screwed up a lot of things.

And yet...

I sat at my daughter's feet at the back of the chapel. She placed her hands on my shoulders... on my head. And she prayed.

The child I held as an infant held me. This girl, who I sang to sleep so many nights, sat with me after midnight together on a chapel floor singing to our Eucharistic Lord.

I don't know the name for the emotion I feel in such moments. It is beyond emotion. More deeply real than what I can experience sensorily. Our combined memories--every painful moment, every sweetness--laid before the Savior of the world and Lover of His smallest of daughters.

"He is so good." The words are insufficient but we understood each other.

I am no longer young. I know how grief cycles back and sin oppresses and relationships strain and sickness comes. And yet... I never imagined this moment of sweetness as a mother. Never. It all just looks so different from how I imagined.

I also didn't know that this intimate moment in a dark chapel would be captured by a woman nearby. She has lived a lot of life. She has loved and struggled and lost and risen. She knew what it would mean to me.

Most deeply intimate moments of my life don't make it to IG. But we both want to give testimony. God will not be outdone in generosity. He can take your deepest pain and use it for incomprehensible beauty. @shesaidfiat ...I love you.

What comes tomorrow? I don't know. Onward, trembling heart! Jesus, I trust in You.

"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1)

#ariseretreat

Disrupting and Rising...

All we do should be oriented outward in love. A song of praise to God. A gift to souls.⁣
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The trouble is that it is extraordinarily easy to live with a veneer of piety but neglect the dark corners which need the light of Christ. We set conditions on how much He is allowed to touch. Going deeper means a lot of fresh pain... a lot of deep work.⁣
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This is why I go on retreat. Because I am incapable of disrupting myself enough to make it happen. The act of going on retreat is my assent to the deep work and I enter in like this:⁣
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"Lord, I'm going to say yes for all the superficial reasons. Mostly, I want rest. But what I think might happen is that you will break me in order to renew me. I want that. Sort of. But You know I don't really want ALL of it. So I'm going. And I'll love all the things that console me... and I'll be overwhelmed by unexpected grace. I'll come home tired. But changed. I trust in You.”⁣
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I just came off the Arise Retreat weekend where I both participated and presented. I cannot unfold for you all that went on, though I will share some things in the coming days. But let it suffice to say...⁣
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That the most healing action you can take is to place yourself in the Presence of Jesus Christ, to offer Him everything in your life and ask Him to change you.⁣
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Pray the giant scary prayers. Ask for miracle. Expect them.⁣
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Go on retreat with a bunch of women who you trust with your vulnerable soul and who understand that the goal of sanctity is not to find a temporary relief from the dishes... but to be crucified with the Lord so that we might rise up as new creations.⁣
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Hug people. Repeatedly. Spend time in an environment that is not saturated with the secular narrative, but one in which you are immersed in reality and truth. So that you might arise from the grave and live again.⁣
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My gratitude to @1brooketaylor for again providing the opportunity to surrender within a safe and sanctified environment.⁣
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"Thus says the Lord God: Behold, I will open your graves, and raise you from your graves... And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live" (Ez. 37)

#ariseretreat

God gave me a choice: All or nothing

Yesterday, I had the privilege of sharing part of my conversion story with @jimhavens@the_simple_truth_show . As usual, I can’t recall much of what I said (nerves will do that) but I do know that the Eucharist is at the center of everything.⁣
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There have been times when my faith in the institution has been rocked and I’ve been forced to examine, from every angle, my belief and what holds me in that belief.⁣
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If I ever left Catholicism, I couldn’t become a Protestant. I would have to leave Christ completely... because the pivotal transformation of my life happened at the invitation of our Eucharistic Lord Himself.⁣
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And if I left Him, my departure would be a shout of “Non Serviam!”— like Lucifer — instead of the squishy fading away into unbelief.⁣
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The human face of the Church is broken, hardened, hypocritical, abusive, and even in the service of the enemy at times. There have been moments when my heart has been broken and I have been tempted to conflate the promises of Christ with those imposters who defile the sanctuary and fool the faithful by wearing robes of Christ. But...⁣
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When I was 18 years old, our Lord gave me a choice. Between belief and unbelief. Between the glitter of the world and the miraculous of the mundane presented in a tiny white host.⁣
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In the Scriptures, Jesus asks his disciples, “Will you also go away?” (John 6: 22-71). And when He asked me, I answered...⁣
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I’ll stay, Lord. I will worship my God, present in the Holy Eucharist, fully believing and embracing the consequences of that belief.⁣
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It is a time of great evil and of great miracles. My own testimony is a great miracle—an impossible rescue—brought about in the silence of a soul and the little details of one life.⁣
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Ask for your miracle.⁣
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Ask Him today to give you the gift of desire. Of fidelity. Of passion. Of vision. Ask Him to bring you the miracle that you need to stay with Him forever.⁣
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Then arrange everything in your life to allow for that miracle to happen.⁣
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“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thes. 5: 16-18)

The difference between Peter and Judas

Fulton Sheen on the difference between the failures of Peter and Judas... and on the reason that people leave Christ...⁣
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“It is interesting to make a comparison of Peter and Judas. Our Lord warned both that they would fail. They both failed, they both denied or betrayed the Lord and they both repented. But the difference in the word repent is that Judas repented unto himself and Peter repented unto the Lord. They were the same up to that point. St. Paul therefore says there are two kinds of sorrow, the sorrow of the world and the sorrow of true faith...”⁣
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“... We do know the reason of the fall (of Judas) and may that reason sharpen the resolution of our will so that we will not fail the Eucharist. If we could read the hearts of those who have left, faith broke, it snapped somewhere making light of the Eucharist, anything at all but no longer the sense of the invisible and the beautiful presence of Christ.”⁣
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Save us, Lord, from the sins of both Peter and Judas. Grant us the grace to cling to Your Eucharistic beauty and throw ourselves on your unfathomable Mercy. Amen.

**quote excerpt from Conference # 10 given by Archbishop Sheen for the Priests of the Archdiocese of Washington at Loyola on Potomac Retreat House during their annual Priest’s Retreat, 1974.

"Sit down and shut up" (the crutch of false charity)

Before I was a Christian, I was a pro-abort feminist. And the truth made me angry. I had no compassion for unborn babies because I could not see them. I was blinded with an anger and irritation that was irrational and fierce… a deep spiritual darkness which covered my intellect and emotions.⁣
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It was ultimately that anger which drove me to the point of grace and conversion. And I thank God for people who were willing to be hated for the sake of my soul and the lives of the vulnerable.⁣
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Do not be afraid of upsetting people with the truth. Their passion indicates that their soul is still alive and can be awakened to fullness in Christ. It is persistent apathy and numbness which are the more deadly.⁣
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“I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth.” (Rev 3:16)⁣
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It is often the angry ones who are still alive enough to be uncomfortable and willing to grapple. (That was me.) Even if their actions are upsetting and evil, it means they have to fight THAT hard to guard themselves from beliefs that threaten their attachments.⁣
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Christian women are naturally sensitive to the reactions and feelings of others. That is as it should be. But we should remember that we cannot control others’ reactions and that we can’t minister to all hearts at the same time. The order of love for a soul is specific and personal.⁣
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It is the Lord who does the work and He works in His time. When a soul is ready, we pray to be made useful in some way. But for the most part, we will never know how we have impacted others.⁣
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There are Christians to whom I was accusatory before my conversion (and almost certainly after). And I hope that my emotion and error didn’t shake their confidence in Truth.⁣
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It is possible that I led people away from Christ, and I thank God for others who opposed me even when I tried to shame them.⁣ Then there were the “peacemakers”who wanted all of the uncomfortable people to be quiet... and lukewarm.⁣
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True charity comes in many forms. An emotional crutch for those attached to sin, error, or comfort is not one of them. Be not afraid. 🔥