She was there before I was

It was a long night. My eyes would pop open, my heart would pound, and I would be painfully aware of my suffering child. I wasn’t with that child… but I knew I was walking some kind of Via Dolorosa with them from afar.

Mom grace is like that sometimes. You just know. Maybe the Holy Spirit wakes you up. Or you just know the signs. Or both.

Anyway, I felt it and grieved as I joined in the struggle. It sounds a bit dramatic, I know… but life IS sometimes dramatic. There is weeping. There is falling to the knees. And in the life of the spirit, the battle for souls is central and fierce.

So, I kept waking. And towards the early morning light, my pious prayers to Blessed Mother became ugly cries of desperation. I asked her to be with my children when I couldn’t be. To hold them. To rescue them.

Consolation came as I saw her in my mind’s eye embracing my beloved child. I was struck by her posture of deep gift. Covering, embracing, enfolding. But even more struck by one realization…

She was there before I was. She, the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, was certainly the one who woke me, not the other way around.

She is the sleepless mother who wakes with her children on her heart.

She never leaves them. And she is closest to them when they are broken and lost. I surrendered my child to her in that moment more completely than I had ever been inclined to before. And I slept.

In the weeks and months that followed, miracles unfolded for my family. And I don’t use the word “miracles” lightly. Mary was at the root of all of them. Not vaguely as in “oh I just know that she answered my prayers” but manifestly.

And with the memory comes courage. There is no soul seeking light which is unattended by her presence. And no soul choosing darkness which isn’t being interceded for with devotion and perseverance. I know this…

Because I am a mother.

She who carried Divinity in her womb has touched Love itself and become perfect mother to all. She will not rest until we are safe or until we have chosen with finality.

Ask her for your miracles. And expect them. They will come in the perfect timing and manner of Jesus Christ at her request.

Mother's Day is Complicated. Mary is not.

When I was 10 years old, life was sometimes stressful. I didn’t know much about Jesus and I didn’t really pray, but I had a rosary.⁣
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I didn’t know how to use it, but I knew Hail Marys were involved. So when my fears and grief were high, I would lay in bed and say two words on each bead...⁣
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“Hail Mary”⁣
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That’s all I knew... until many years later when I finally prayed a full rosary as a young adult.⁣
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Mother’s Day can be a complicated day. So I just keep my eyes on her. She knows what to do. She knows how to gently walk through the mess until she reaches my heart...⁣
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And she touches it gently.⁣
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Oh, sad and blessed day! When I don’t want to be celebrated. When I don’t know how to honor. When I grieve loss and regrets. When I rejoice in the gift of maternal love. When my children remind me how good my life is...⁣
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Keeping eyes on her.⁣
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It was a beautiful day. Thanks be to God.⁣

Surrendering again...

Sometimes you get a great shot of the back of peoples’ heads... because you are following behind them as they lead. These two beautiful women have modeled such joyful surrender to me that even their ponytails make me smile. (Thank you @soulcorecleveland)⁣
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When we last met 6 months ago, we were just emerging from a quarantined world and the Holy Spirit was continuing a great work in my soul.⁣
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Through this apostolate, I was returned to the arms of Blessed Mother, spouse of the Holy Spirit.⁣ The change I have undergone in just a year’s time is nothing I expected.⁣
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In the first half, I learned how to praise again. I learned to surrender a bit more. In the second, I learned to believe in miracles. I learned awe.⁣ I thought I knew these things before. Now I know with certainty that I am an infant in faith.⁣
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I was blessed to also spend this weekend with one of my daughters, who modeled for me great faith. I took notes at times during our talks. Privileged to ponder her words.⁣
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We talked about the Holy Spirit. We prayed together along with 10 other women. We offered ourselves again to the Lord and Mary. We laughed. And we contemplated the life of Christ, friendship, and martyrdom.⁣
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I don’t know how to express all of the thoughts and emotions of this year outside of a desire to RUN interiorly and exteriorly.⁣
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To give great effort. To throw myself toward His help. I am looking forward so much to the Rise Up & Run 5k, not because it will feel great (this was not my experience last year!) but because I want to push...⁣
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I don’t want to be asleep anymore. I want to feel my arms shake during a workout. I want to pray when it gets hard. I want to weep at the right times. I want to see what is beautiful with redeemed vision.⁣
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I was moved this weekend when we were praying a SoulCore rosary and a woman named Mary was leading. As she prayed, her face was alive with joy and her arms extended in praise. Her “Hail Mary!” was one of the most authentic prayers I have ever heard.⁣
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And I wanted to follow her radiant smile... and her ponytail. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing me people who radiate Your Spirit. Thank You for everything.

Becoming a SoulCore leader...

One of the great gifts of 2020 was becoming a SoulCore leader. And it was an absolute joy to lead a group of women on the Arise Retreat in person last week after loss of flesh and blood community for so long.⁣⁣
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SoulCore integrates the rosary with core strengthening, stretching and functional movements; to nourish body & soul and encourage deeper reflection on the Mysteries and virtues of the rosary.⁣⁣
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It incorporates scripture, sacred art, music, candlelight, and movement. A gentle path to grow in virtue and cultivate interior peace. ⁣⁣
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Every movement is an invitation. As I told the women on retreat, it is okay to modify the movements or just rest in the presence of the Lord.⁣
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But it does feel so good to push the muscles! To feel them shaking and know that the body is being moved to be more and do more in service to love.⁣⁣
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I was nervous about leading SoulCore on retreat because I had never led such a large diverse group. But in that context, I rediscovered the reason I love this apostolate…⁣⁣
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Gathering together with beautiful, loving sisters who are willing to be a little imperfect while we lay down our lives in surrender to Jesus and His Blessed Mother.⁣⁣
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My nerves left completely. We laid down our intentions. I only forgot one Hail Mary. And I felt again the healing consolation of community, contemplation on the mysteries of Christ’s life, physical movement, rest, silence, and the love of our perfect Mother.⁣⁣
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At Arise, we used a very special rosary centerpiece for SoulCore from @freshrosary. Simply stunning. Every bead was a fresh red rose. Julia created and packaged it with such love. And from across the country, she prayed with us.⁣⁣
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After SoulCore, the rosary was presented to Mary at the front of the chapel where it remained throughout the retreat. Many took a petal to press in their Bibles to remember a grace-filled weekend and the love of God.⁣⁣
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Please go follow @freshrosary! I can’t say enough about her rosaries, her customer service, and her beautiful soul! And she’s given me a 15% discount code just for you: ARISE⁣⁣
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If you are local, reach out for my @soulcoreproject locations. Zoom coming also.⁣⁣

Consecration: A Fierce Tenderness

Little hands collected “flowers” for her crown and made decorations for her space. It was the middle of quarantine and they played sweetly, oblivious to the growing madness of the world. So innocent and spontaneous in their devotion.⁣
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They had no idea how close she really was to them and to their family. How tenderly yet firmly she led us and protected us.⁣
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Fast forward...⁣
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Today is New Years Day and 2020 is over, but that calendar seems completely overshadowed by the Solemnity...⁣
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She is so close to us. How privileged we are!⁣
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Mary carried me through this past year. She arranged everything. She stayed with me so closely that I could not help but fall into her arms during times of grief and rely on her more and more.⁣
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I stumbled so many times over myself and over the anxiety of the year. And over and over she picked me up, bandaged my wounds, and reoriented me toward Christ.⁣
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I cannot recall a more transformative or healing year than 2020.⁣
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She drew me in all year. In October, I renewed my Marian Consecration. By December, I saw an unfolding of miracles. I wish I could tell you all that has transpired. I can’t. But I can tell you this...⁣
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My hope has been restored. Because I have seen what God does through His people and through His cherished mother. He does not spare mercy. He is the Good Shepherd. He will find you when you call. He will rescue you.⁣
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I’m handing over 2021 to the Mother of Mercy and her King of Glory. I have already confidently placed more desperate prayers at their feet.⁣
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Whatever comes will come. May we meet it with holiness, trust, and burning charity!⁣
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Happy Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God! Blessed be God forever! ❤️

She crushes the serpent (and this scarf is beautiful)

As we wait and pray for our nation, we are also necessarily managing the practical details of life. Mary has been my lifeline... leading me to the peace of her Son, Jesus Christ.⁣
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And in the midst of this endless stretching of 2020, I admit... I’m Christmas shopping. So let’s merge the pragmatic and the needs of our soul a bit here, shall we? 😊⁣
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I’m collaborating with Outrageous Mom to give away one of these gorgeous Marian scarves...⁣ (GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED)
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They are absolutely beautiful with many more styles and colors on the website. And they outwardly (yet subtly) express what is going on in my soul.⁣
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❤️ Oh Mary, beautiful Spouse of the Holy Spirit, be with me now and at the hour of my death. Intercede for America and the world. Accompany my children. ❤️⁣
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I’m wearing the blue Miraculous Medal scarf. This is the style we are giving away! The scarves from left to right:⁣
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🌷Mary, the New Eve⁣
🌷Miraculous Medal in Blue⁣
🌷Miraculous Medal in Neutral⁣
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There is a tiny Miraculous Medal sewn onto the corner of each scarf.⁣
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I once met a man from Ireland who was wearing a Notre Dame hat while walking the campus. It only said “ND” but he said he could not wear it without being attacked in his home town. I didn’t understand...⁣
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He said: “You see, those who hate the Church know that Notre Dame means Our Lady. American college kids think they are just wearing the symbol of their school but they are really wearing her beautiful name. I wish they had half the passion of the enemy.”⁣
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If we had half the passion of the enemy, everything would change. In our homes, in our country. But either way, in the end, she crushes the head of the serpent. Deo Gratias!⁣