I sat at her feet and she prayed...
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Parenting young adults has stretched me. I didn't know I could stretch so far without breaking. I didn't know... and it was better not to know beforehand. But here I am.
I have 3 adult kids and 5 more behind. I tremble at times at the future. I've been surprised by what love requires. I've been brought low by the dismantling of expectations, the obliteration of certain ideals, and the realization that I have screwed up a lot of things.
And yet...
I sat at my daughter's feet at the back of the chapel. She placed her hands on my shoulders... on my head. And she prayed.
The child I held as an infant held me. This girl, who I sang to sleep so many nights, sat with me after midnight together on a chapel floor singing to our Eucharistic Lord.
I don't know the name for the emotion I feel in such moments. It is beyond emotion. More deeply real than what I can experience sensorily. Our combined memories--every painful moment, every sweetness--laid before the Savior of the world and Lover of His smallest of daughters.
"He is so good." The words are insufficient but we understood each other.
I am no longer young. I know how grief cycles back and sin oppresses and relationships strain and sickness comes. And yet... I never imagined this moment of sweetness as a mother. Never. It all just looks so different from how I imagined.
I also didn't know that this intimate moment in a dark chapel would be captured by a woman nearby. She has lived a lot of life. She has loved and struggled and lost and risen. She knew what it would mean to me.
Most deeply intimate moments of my life don't make it to IG. But we both want to give testimony. God will not be outdone in generosity. He can take your deepest pain and use it for incomprehensible beauty. @shesaidfiat ...I love you.
What comes tomorrow? I don't know. Onward, trembling heart! Jesus, I trust in You.
"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1)
#ariseretreat