Again and again... zeal for our house

The exploits of reckless romance have got nothin’ on the wild adventure of committed marital love.⁣⁣
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Wake up, spouses, to your extraordinary life! Many, who now see their lot as drudgery, once longed for this forever love. They’ve forgotten their zeal for generous outpouring.⁣
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It’s the failed expectations, I think. We think we know the secret to happy marriage and are shocked to find that our elders weren’t lying to us about the challenge of permanence…⁣
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That life is hard. Life is suffering.⁣
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They told us these things as a counterweight to enthusiasm… they didn’t want to get our hopes too high.⁣
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I recall the first time I thought “Good gracious, they were all right” while I instinctively looked for the escape hatch. But when you’re Catholic and married, vows aren’t simply shrugged off as a folly of youth…⁣⁣
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So you cling. But you see families tumble down around you and it’s terrifying when you begin to stumble on your own beloved. And yourself. And the drudgery.⁣⁣
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When did your lover become an irritation rather than a breathtaking reflection of God? And how can that purity of vision be restored?⁣⁣
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Where have we put our passion and why isn’t it what we expected? When did the radical call of 1 Cor. 13 become a placard instead of a flame?⁣
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To become captivated again, we learn that what we expected at the start wasn’t good enough…⁣⁣
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God’s vision is deeper and wider.⁣⁣
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Maybe our expectation was more selfish than sanctified. Maybe we made our beloved an idol and then were disappointed when he turned out not to be God.⁣⁣
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Marriage is a battle. It is a fire. It is a sunset and ocean. It is rapids and cliff diving and wonder… Wrapped up in the tedious nitpicking mundane.⁣⁣
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In these wicked times especially, we must remember how to share beautiful secrets with our spouse again. The special wink. The familiar touch. The ichthus drawn in the sand for each other while the world encroaches… a shared knowing…⁣⁣
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“Beloved, you are extraordinary. And someday we will dance in eternal glory. We can dance tonight in anticipation. But first… the dishes.”⁣⁣
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Blessed be God who makes all things new!
Let us begin again and again and again.

Carried. 25 years.

CARRIED.⁣
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I give thanks for the passing of years which illuminate what has gone before and how it will be with what is to come.⁣⁣ My conversion was a battle in which I fought. Yet with memory enlightened by grace, I see how I was softly lifted out of the conflict by the tender hands of the Father.⁣⁣
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In a similar manner, my marriage has been a besieged fortress, sometimes from the inside and sometimes without. And yet the marking of 25 years has granted me clarity of vision…⁣⁣
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I have been carried.⁣⁣..
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The heartaches which felt crushing have not crushed me.⁣⁣
The grief that has occasionally laid its pall over me has never buried me.⁣⁣
The losses and the trials have only been allowed to touch me lightly even when I believed that I carried the load.⁣⁣
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25 years has taught me that I have only lived on the surface of the drama of love, held back by the erroneous belief that sacramental graces were only a nice addition to what I would build…⁣⁣
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And discovering that I have been carried all along. Weak as a baby. Dependent on Divine care and the love of a man devoted to the Lord.⁣⁣
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In that greenhouse—which I mistakenly thought to be the wilds—my soul has been cultivated in love. And it is in that context which I have been able to grow stronger for my purpose.⁣⁣
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I am a little girl growing into matriarch. I am this handsome man’s sweetheart becoming rooted as heart in his home.⁣⁣
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I surrender to this mystery.⁣
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Marriage is a lot like birth in that the trial of vulnerability becomes a deep fire of strength. Masculinity is beautiful. Femininity is powerful…⁣⁣
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Yet I will never be a feminist again, because I will not choose to be fragmented from what is whole.⁣⁣
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My husband carries me. Not because I am worth less, but because I am treasure. Even in our brokenness, he carries our pieces to the foot of the cross… and we are renewed.⁣⁣
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In this life, we won’t be perfect or without trials or pain. Never perfect complete unity.⁣⁣ Yet there is unshakable sweetness. The renewal of vows a true refreshment as we reenter the battle. A testimony to grace⁣.⁣
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We walk hand-in-hand but I know the full truth… that I am carried. Thanks be to God.❤️

A wedding, a run, a motu proprio

He was supposed to pose but instead he squished. Pretty typical and wonderful.⁣⁣ Posed shots are great in their own way. But 5-year olds have a way of cutting through to the better things.⁣⁣
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The wedding was this week! Thanks be to God! Those of you with big families can appreciate the unique position of being mother-of-the-groom and also mother-of-the-kid who “needs to go to the bathroom” during the marriage vows.⁣⁣
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And while we wait for the professional photos, I’m enjoying what people are sharing from their camera rolls. Lots of squishing and laughing.⁣⁣
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Couple of unrelated updates:⁣⁣
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• The Rise Up & Run t-shirts were significantly delayed due to the printer’s “internal error.” Good thing it’s a virtual run! Some of you will be getting your packets later than the run date.⁣⁣ It’s out of my hands and I’ve struggled with frustration. But I’m surrendering and grateful for an understanding community.⁣⁣
⁣⁣• My family has decided to delay our local run gathering to next week because of schedule and energy conflicts. (ie busy and tired) Recognizing limits and rolling with needs.⁣⁣
⁣⁣• I continue praying for all of your run intentions.⁣⁣
⁣⁣• Definitely feeling like I won’t be running a very strong race this year. I will give it my best and continue to offer all for your race intentions. We had a wonderful time last year regardless of our fitness levels and abilities. Looking forward to the exercise in surrender and humility again! 😉⁣
⁣⁣• I may have extra race packets available. Some of you inquired. I will let you know soon!⁣⁣
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Unrelated update for those who have asked my thoughts on what came out of Rome this week…⁣⁣
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• The motu proprio came out the day of the wedding so I was blissfully ignorant until the next day. A good reminder that I can’t control any of it.⁣⁣
⁣⁣• A great kick in the pants to get holy and keep lamps lighted.⁣⁣
⁣⁣• This papacy has courted anti-life global Marxists for years and caused much scandal and hardship for the flock. This is consistent. Carry on, Church Militant. Carry on.

The crucible of marriage.

When I was on FB, I belonged to two Catholic mom groups. A woman posted a question to both groups:⁣
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“I’ve been talking to my Catholic mom friends about marriage. We don’t know anyone in happy marriages, including our own. Is there any happiness left?”⁣
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In one group, the responses were dismally consistent. Comments echoed the perspective of the woman.⁣
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In the second group—smaller and designed to provide a generationally diverse mentoring community—the responses were more varied:⁣
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“Yes. I am happily married. Marriage is harder than I ever imagined actually. But deeply satisfying and only getting better.”⁣
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I was one of those who answered YES. But I see the reality of the brokenness around me and I feel in my own marriage the onslaught of the world and our own sinfulness.⁣
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Is my marriage happy and healthy? Yes.⁣
Besieged? Yes.⁣
Shaken? Yes.⁣
Exhausted? Yes.⁣
Are we sometimes afraid? Yes.⁣
Grieving? Yes.⁣
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Marriage is our crucible where we are transformed by the heat of holy fire.⁣
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In 2 weeks, the Chief and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. Our 8 children will attend our renewal of vows. We will stand in all our weakness and vulnerability in the heart of our little community.⁣ They have seen us at our worst and best and so we testify before them. Standing in gratitude and as a sign of hope. A sign of what is possible by the grace of God.⁣
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Every year, my husband stands against the backdrop of a fiery Independence Day scene that he oversees. The mortars are lined up and fired. His shape is obscured in the darkness... until there is an explosion.⁣
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His back is to me as he faces the fire. He grows taller. Vulnerable... yet strangely unshakable.⁣
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My heart swells with admiration, and gratitude. And I think "That is the way of things. It is the fire which illuminates and strengthens."⁣
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We are a messy family. Many of you are suffering through the crucible of your own marriages. Perhaps divorced like my own parents were. Or battling all the forces of hell...
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Don't fear the fire. It is there that you will encounter the pressures that you need to become forged for sainthood. Rise and pray. Dare to sing. Dawn is coming.