The crucible of marriage.
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When I was on FB, I belonged to two Catholic mom groups. A woman posted a question to both groups:
“I’ve been talking to my Catholic mom friends about marriage. We don’t know anyone in happy marriages, including our own. Is there any happiness left?”
In one group, the responses were dismally consistent. Comments echoed the perspective of the woman.
In the second group—smaller and designed to provide a generationally diverse mentoring community—the responses were more varied:
“Yes. I am happily married. Marriage is harder than I ever imagined actually. But deeply satisfying and only getting better.”
I was one of those who answered YES. But I see the reality of the brokenness around me and I feel in my own marriage the onslaught of the world and our own sinfulness.
Is my marriage happy and healthy? Yes.
Besieged? Yes.
Shaken? Yes.
Exhausted? Yes.
Are we sometimes afraid? Yes.
Grieving? Yes.
Marriage is our crucible where we are transformed by the heat of holy fire.
In 2 weeks, the Chief and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. Our 8 children will attend our renewal of vows. We will stand in all our weakness and vulnerability in the heart of our little community. They have seen us at our worst and best and so we testify before them. Standing in gratitude and as a sign of hope. A sign of what is possible by the grace of God.
Every year, my husband stands against the backdrop of a fiery Independence Day scene that he oversees. The mortars are lined up and fired. His shape is obscured in the darkness... until there is an explosion.
His back is to me as he faces the fire. He grows taller. Vulnerable... yet strangely unshakable.
My heart swells with admiration, and gratitude. And I think "That is the way of things. It is the fire which illuminates and strengthens."
We are a messy family. Many of you are suffering through the crucible of your own marriages. Perhaps divorced like my own parents were. Or battling all the forces of hell...
Don't fear the fire. It is there that you will encounter the pressures that you need to become forged for sainthood. Rise and pray. Dare to sing. Dawn is coming.