I Get To Put Down the Cookie...
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Ten years ago, I entered Lent thinking that I was going to be in a wheelchair by age 40. Desperation drove me to radical change and, a few weeks after Easter, I took the first gritty painful steps towards a more surrendered life, body and soul.
I fought then to be able to walk and eat and hope again. And I continue to grieve, fight, surrender, and rise by turns. Starting at the end (“I will die”) and working my way backwards (“How shall I now live?”) to a life more properly ordered both physically and spiritually.
Chronic illness can be a crutch or ladder. Like Lent. We don’t get total control. But we get to decide how to live well and move forward with purpose.
Not that I’m particularly good at life, you understand. I would not choose to relive pivotal moments of change—I’m just not that strong—but they're necessary and I’m grateful. Every single day is a gift. Every step. I don’t HAVE to make good choices… I GET TO.
That Lent changed me and I look at things differently now…
I don’t have to fast… I GET TO.
I don’t have to sacrifice… I GET TO.
I don’t have to discipline my appetites… I GET TO.
I don’t have to make good choices… I GET TO.
I don’t have to exercise… I GET TO.
I don’t have to surrender… I GET TO.
I don’t have to serve… I GET TO.
“Do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:10
Lent is ultimately about seeking union with Christ. On a practical level, that means prayers and service… and choosing to do the hard thing in the moment that needs doing. Detaching from outcome. Pursuing right ordered living.
We learn quickly that we can’t even put down the little cookie let alone face the scarier stuff. And this where Lent pierces our damnable egos…
“Take up your cross and follow me.”
First, we have to figure out how to let go of the cookie. Lent is an extraordinary opportunity to learn to stop kicking and screaming our way to a beautiful and liberated life and finally say:
“Yes, Lord… I GET TO."