Besieged. Also in June...
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Someone asked me if everything is okay. I’ve been away more than usual and they wanted to make sure I was well. I’m doing well, thank you!
Though a bit besieged. I feel like “besieged” is my usurper 2021 word. My word of the year is actually TIRELESSNESS. So it all makes sense, I guess.
In June, my autoimmune issues flared up until my eyelids cracked. That was unpleasant.
In June, I also fell lower mentally than I have in a while. The heliotrope rash reminded me that I talk a big game until disease pokes my vanity. And steals my ability to stand in the sunshine. So…
My husband stayed close while I worked up the nerve to start again. My will was buried under a few tears and I felt like giving up.
Just for a little while. Then I dusted myself off and began. After prayer, the first thing I did was to renew my organic veggie delivery service. (Link in my profile if you want a coupon!)
In June, I went back to basics. Broke attachments. Pushed back against preferences in order to find freedom.
In June, I went from despair to delight as I played sand volleyball (in direct sun) with more flexibility and mobility than I’ve had in years. Just 3 weeks after wondering if my summer was over.
In June, I continued to prepare for a wedding. And watched my family grow and stretch and struggle and dream.
In June, I tried on dresses in a department store where no one wore a mask. My husband told me I was beautiful.
In June, I fell behind in everything. Everything… except for eating vegetables and making time for my husband. I still have messages unanswered and prayers unsaid. I failed and failed and failed again.
But June was beautiful and July is coming. And tomorrow is another day to live and give thanks to God for who He is and what He has given.
I expect to go through the cycle of grief and stretching countless times before I die. Each round hopefully bringing me closer to heaven with God’s grace.
June’s lesson: “Survival mode” is real. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be holy and beautiful. Put some flowers in a vase, hug your people, say your prayers, and don’t forget the vegetables ❤️