What Joy Isn't
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Before my conversion, I battled despair. Then God lifted me out of that abyss with a mighty and gentle hand and deposited me in a place of safety. I know it wasn’t without great struggle... but my memory has softened the rough places and my dominant memory is more like an impression of being lifted.
It’s a breathtaking memory.
Many trials have come since then, one always replacing another, hopefully with a little respite in between. There have been years without respite...
Where I thought that life was just a steady progression of greater struggle until I die. But then I’d get to a place of clarity and look back and stand in awe of the work God did through pain.
When I think of the spiritual life, I imagine that progress means a decreasing length of time between the pain and the understanding...
Until finally, there is understanding during pain. Total trust in trial. Joy rooted deeply even when everything is burning around and in us.I suppose that’s simplistic. But the truth is that the hand reaching out in agony towards Christ ACTUALLY reaches Him.
And Joy is not the absence of suffering but the Presence of Christ.
With each new trial of life, I’m trying to “fake it ‘til I make it” and imagine that I can see the miracle from the other side of suffering even though I can’t.
Sometimes I feel like Pollyanna, trying to make rosy what simply isn’t. But what I find when the waves subside is that God’s work is ALWAYS more stunning than anything of my imagination.
Jesus really rose. And He raised Lazarus. And brought the little girl to life. And He multiplied food and drove the demons from people.
If we accept Christ, we accept the reality of His power and miracles. And we should ask for them, expect them, imagine them, and proclaim them. I figure that’s the only way I’m going to get to heaven. Being “crazy” enough to believe that anything God desires is possible. And running with it.
My prayer today is for the desire to become holy. And the courage to proclaim victory in pain even when all earthly evidence seems against me.