Surviving October
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It’s been 17 days since I felt the first symptoms of Wuhan’s gain-of-function variant. Not to be dramatic, but I think I overestimated my body’s ability to survive October.
If a virus can have a spiritual component, this one surely does. As my body was weakened and attacked, so were my mind and soul. Oppressive darkness. I found encouragement through a sick friend’s Christ testimony. But for my own part, I could hardly pray…
I was helpless while a battle raged around me. Through me. For me. Thank you all for your prayers and support. You carried me.
I did not expect pneumonia to take over so fast. To hurt so much. I did not expect to lose spiritual buoyancy. I didn’t expect anger and loss of rational thought. I didn’t expect not to care. I didn’t expect the heavy grief.
As care mobilized around me, I was overwhelmed by sorrow. I couldn’t brush my hair so my daughter did it. Blessing. Yet I was aware of every soul cut off from touch… isolated in the name of health.
Pain was relentless. I was afraid at times. But I was never robbed of the presence of my loved ones. If I would have died—in the midst of my utterly ungraceful surrender—my family would have held me until I was home.
There were many times when I needed to weep for those whose hair should have been stroked, cheeks kissed, feet rubbed, with assurances uttered and prayers whispered. I couldn’t because I couldn’t both breathe and cry. I’m crying now… maybe I won’t ever stop.
Recovery may take a while. Mornings are tough. I’ve lost weight. But I’m walking on my own again and the darkness is lifting. The Lord never left me. He just allowed me to feel the darkness of a virus-centric world bereft of Christ.
I have more to say about the ephemeral and the enduring. But for today:
• I will never take the syringe. A nation which violates God’s laws will not receive His blessing.
•If you mock the sick and dead because their jab status affirms your ego, get your soul right before it’s your turn to endure.
• Do not be afraid of illness, but be prepared to fight for health and beautiful eternity. AMDG ☀️