Cancelling vs. Boundary Setting
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She left the church and sat on the steps, alone and in the dark. She tried to tell us... she was hungry and tired...
“I don’t want to be here anymore. Can’t you be done talking?”
But we weren’t done, and so she took herself just a few paces—and turned away. She knew if she stayed, she’d get disagreeable. She knew she’d feel unheard and angry...
And so she summoned some deep wisdom and stepped away.
Sometimes, what people call “cancel culture” is really just the establishment of healthy boundaries. So that love and relationship can survive.
Here is the difference:
Cancelling someone causes intentional harm. It is designed to delete their personhood. It lacks empathy and love. If it were a sound, it would shriek and cackle.
Boundary setting, on the other hand, seeks the greatest good for all. It recognizes that human weakness can only carry so much weight before it fails. Can only take so much trauma, stress, sorrow, or abuse. It steps away with the hope of reconciliation. If it had a sound, it might sound like prayers of trust mingled with tears.
Boundaries can appear to some like canceling... but they are ultimately oriented toward hope. My daughter is fiery. And yet even at the age of 7, she understands these things innately. If the soul could talk...
“I do not like what you are doing. It is hurting me. I am frustrated and don’t like you right now. And I need a moment.”
She wasn’t hardened to us... she was sensitive to us. And protective. Of herself. Of a beloved relationship.
I realize the comparison is imperfect and incomplete. But sometimes things are simpler than we make them. If you need space from certain people right now, it’s probably okay to take a moment away. Let your tears fall and your disappointment work itself out through prayer and busyness...
And maybe it won’t be long before you can loosen the boundaries a little. Maybe remove them entirely. Or...
Perhaps division is the only way to allow everyone to heal. It might be a humiliation to you. Misunderstood. But only you know what you can carry. All paths are hard. But not all lead to healing.
Come Holy Spirit. Bestow wisdom. Amen.